Dutch Van Der Linde

Dutch is a major antagonist. He fucking sucks. He tends to arrive at the worst time, saying "nvm" and "My feelings are hurt." He also is the face behind "THIS IS A CERTIFIED DUTCH MOMENT" He has 97 mental illnesses. He also is bisexual and in love with Hosea Matthews. He is part demon, part human. He is not actually naturally white, his skin is a very bright red. He wears makeup at all times, when he cries it looks like he is crying blood, but that's just his fleshy makeup coming off. I fucking hate him. He will often scream at the walls of his tent, for absolutely no reason. He cries when nobody is looking, he can't even let his husband see him in his most vulnerable state. He has killed 5,028 individuals by his own bare hands. Keep in mind that number is based off of record deaths, nobody knows how many more families he has ruined, but it is implied to be thousands more of victims. He is antiracist, pro-choice, LGBT+ friendly, SJW. He often will play Robin Hood and steal from the rich and give to the poor, especially those who are minorities. Besides that, he is evil. Fuck Dutch.

Hobbies and Lifestyle
Dutch has many hobbies. One of which is knitting, he will often knit any camp members, especially Arthur and Hosea, new clothing items and even just shit like pillow cases. Another hobby of his, which is deemed secretive and only John Cena knows about, is that he likes to cross-dress. He also has a premium membership on Habbo Hotel, his favourite chatting website. Late at night, he will sneak out of he and Hosea's tent to take photographs of the camp's view on his iPhone 6+, post them to Facebook, and make it seem he's on vacation somewhere nice. The reality is that his asscrack is caked in cowpatties and his nails are 3 inches long each, blackened with dirt. His pomade ran out months ago, he depends entirely on not showering and letting the grease keep his hairs form. Anyways, another hobby of his is going on his Twitter and making tweets of how woke he is. He does not share valuable life saving advice or news, but will actively write "ACAB 4 LYFE" in his bio.

On a more serious note, his massive killing sprees are considered a "hobby" to him. I am not joking when I say that he is evil. He also tends to spread his evil on Facebook. His page may seem good hearted, wholesome, and inspirational at first, until you look at his liked musicians. It starts to unfold from there. You will see Hollywood Undead, Twenty-One Pilots, ''Panic! At The Disco'', and other very edgy and telling bands. Steer clear away from him. I'm deadass.

Family Life
His main three sons, Arthur, John, and Bill, will often go onto social media and terrorize Dutch via spamming his dm's, his comments, and tagging him on every post they come across. Dutch has them all muted and will block them occasionally when the spamming is too fucking much.

Dutch is very much like a soccer mom, only in-fucking-sane. He goes to Starbucks everyday, they know his usual by heart, then goes shopping for new clothes and toys for his boys and husband. They all have a hate-love relationship with each other, but manage to be a surprisingly stable family.

He has other children, but he honestly gives no damn about them. He says he does, but I know deep down he doesn't care. I don't know, it's just speculation. He's evil so I'd assume he hates most of his kids, who by the way aren't really his kids, he is just their leader so they treat him fatherly. The poor fucks fell under his spell.

His Territory
Within the United States of America, Dutch is wanted in every single state besides Wyoming. The reason being is that he killed all 7 inhabitants there, so he has claimed that territory as his. His camp has taken over the state, and they can do fuckall without the government hunting them down. He has opened up a giant Bass Pro Shop pyramid, and co owns it with Hosea. Despite the giant business, he gets no money due to a lack of people going to Wyoming, let alone thinking of Wyoming. For that reason, Dutch is broke as shit.

Along with the expensive giant BPS Pyramid, he also invested in a circus. It is opened annually every autumn, starting on the 13th. He encourages people worldwide to visit. Statistically there hasn't been a single death or instance of violence since the circus has opened. However, I'd beg to differ. That fat fuck has killer high prices on everything! I mean jeesh dude! I get you're broke but I don't want to spend 50 dollars on "Dutch merchandise." Get real, man.

Dutch and Hosea also co-own a car dealership. The irony is that is isn't a car dealership, but rather a carriage dealership. They both steal others' carriages nationally and put them up for sale at their joint. Amazingly enough, they don't cost that much and are 100% covered, it is a pretty fucking good business.

Powers, Abilities, and Strengths
He possesses no real powers, honestly it's kind of pathetic. His only enhancement is that he is strong, and he's the biggest douche you'll ever come across. He is charming, but you can just smell how fucking wretched he is deep down. He makes my god damn blood boil. He is supposedly just such a good father and husband, and he cares about human rights, but dude like fuck him. Mother fucker I hate him. Anyways, he is evil and will kill you.