Captain Crook

Captain Crook is a local pirate and gangster within Gluten City. He is seen as notoriously evil throughout the universe, but is actually quite the opposite.

Early Life
Captain Crook was birthed from the sea shards on McDonaldland's only beach. Some say he was formed with God's wrath, some say he was formed with God's love. Either way, he exists. As a child he was bullied by all his peers, including his eventual husband Hamburgler as well as the famous Ronald McDonald. He did not let bullying go by so easy during his teen years, and ended up living a life of crime.

Teen Years
As a teenager, he grew found of filet o' fish sandwiches. Since he was homeless and had no way of making money, he would steal fish filet's from McDonald's establishments. Ronald was not happy with this, and began spreading rumors that Captain is actually a murderous demon from below. Captain Crook was arrested and thrown in Horny Jail, despite not being horny, a grand total of 19 times as a minor.

Adult Life
As an adult, Captain Crook has dedicated to teaching the kids within the Gluten School right from wrong. He has won 'Teacher of the Year' a total of 4 times now. He has started an anti-drug campaign within Gluten City as well, called "Don't be a Crook, Stay in the Books!" Nobody knows what the fuck that means.

Some time during his teacher career, he married The Hamburgler, once Hamburgler realized how horrendous he treated Captain as a kid. They happily got married on June 16th, 1998. Unfortunately, Hamburgler died in a freak accident at Neil Cicierega Park. Captain Crook vowed to never marry again.